I missed two days this week and I've been so late that I might as well have double downed on other days. I'm doing a truly terrible job, to be honest!
But I was rereading Mindfulness in Plain English and became aware that I was treating it poorly and was looking at it from the wrong perspective. I've been trying to keep my mind clear when I'm supposed to be observing it's movement. I shouldn't be feeling shame if I miss a day. I'm to be doing this for the ability to live my life in the moment and enjoy that, rather then spending it in advance worry.
This week has been stressful. I just had to research then buy a car (researching is very stressful for me, especially when it's for major purchases), my laptop died for a period of 24 hours, loans, insurance, and there's a lot of frustration from different aspects of my personal life. I am trying to edit someone else's novel, I'm writing the second book of my own novel, and I'm dealing with medical issues from being hit by a car leaving me with no feeling in my foot. Money is a big issue, and I have a lot of demands on my time. I'm just not managing it all well, and I'm letting the mismanagement kill my meditation time when I should be using my meditation time to sort myself out.
This reads like a sob story, like a list of excuses, and it partly is. I don't want it to be but that's what I've done and it would be more shameful to erase it then to bare a bit of my soul to anyone curious enough to read.
I'll keep it up, and I'll get it under control. But I'll be damned if I let it become another thing that stresses me out.
Thanks for reading.
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