Day 7 - 100 Day Meditation Challenge

Day 7

Length: 10 minutes (timed)
Start: 11:16pm
Experience:

Songs again. Radioactive by Imagine Dragons just completely wrecked my peace. I suppose it could be worse though, it could have been dubstep.

Focusing on the breath brought momentary reprieve. I am extremely stressed and haven't slept well, last night I realized part of my leg and foot are going numb (I'm guessing it's related to the accident), and I've begun searching for a new car because mine appears to be dieing. I have an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon but that does not quiet me.

My mind is racing as usual. It jumps to the usual relationships and the like. Stress makes this much harder. I lash myself internally for a lack of self control several times.

Closing Thoughts: Do not download catchy music and listen to it prior to meditating. Bad news. Stress causes me to have severe issues maintaining concentration. Perhaps read a book on meditation for 15 minutes before beginning? That might focus me.

Day 6 - 100 Day Meditation Challenge

Day 6

Length: 5 minutes (timed)
Start: 12:57am
Experience:

I cannot concentrate. I'm not sure what went wrong today, but I do not even make it the full five minutes. Songs and thoughts run through my head.

Closing Thoughts: Cannot overcome my mind. Will come back tomorrow.

Day 5 - 100 Day Meditation Challenge

Day 5

Length: 15 minutes (timed)
Start: 10:22pm
Experience:

I jumped straight up to 15 minutes because I thought it was a good time to ramp up.

 

A movie played in the background which was a minor distraction for a time, one that I ultimately was able to forget.

I sat in contemplation of things - of feelings I've been having, of anxieties, to better understand myself. I've been having some health concerns and I focused on my worries. 

 

I realized they were connected to my mortality, and that this was something that isn't directly 'agreeable' with the path. I shouldn't be worrying about life and death. Not that it's bad to seek medical attention if you think you are sick, but I am worrying for not. I am not sold on reincarnation or any sort of karma, so this is a passing thought.

I thought in passing about other things - relationships and my feelings towards them. Such are my worries. Time passed more quickly.

Closing thoughts: Improvement. I am neither happy nor sad during my meditation, which is exactly what I should be striving for. Good things then.

Day 4 - 100 Day Meditation Challenge

Day 4

Length: 12 minutes (timed)
Start: 7:30pm
Experience:

I spent the day working, then drove to my girlfriends and we went out to eat. After lazing around for an hour or so I decided I should get my meditation in while the night was young. This meant I had to work against the distractions of my SO. She happily lets me follow my practice but makes sure to chide me, and some of her words stick with me throughout.

I attempted to meditate while the television was on in the other room, sort of as a way of tracking my ability to ignore it. Looking back I was able to overcome it after a few minutes by concentrating on my breath. There was no frustration in my mind this time, which is a change. I'm no longer disheartened or frustrated by concentration difficulties. It just is.

I reach into the deep relaxation quicker now, with a slightly improved frequency. Unfortunately the deeper relaxation seems to feed into wandering thoughts of my life and situation. I think that if I was less stressed I would have less of a problem concentrating.

A positive though - despite two extra minutes of meditation time, I have almost no thoughts at all about the length or concerns about the duration I've been sitting. This is an improvement I can really get behind!

Closing thoughts: 'Active distractions' like a TV in the other room are very detrimental to my practice but may be unavoidable as I can't guarantee alone time some days. Despite this I am finding small incremental improvements; I spent less time thinking about the duration of my meditation and no longer feel bad about my own lack of concentration.

Day 3 - 100 Day Meditation Challenge

Day 3

Length: 10 minutes (timed)
Start: 12:15am (1/4/2013)
Experience:

Today was... a frustration. My car is dieing, taking a long time to start and twice in the parking lot at my job it stalls out before I can make it to my normal spot. I am stressed and this activity was pushed to the wayside so that I may binge on more pleasurable activities - gaming being one of my easiest setbacks. Oddly I manage to fold my wash before I've started the meditation. During the day today I felt a certain strange happiness as though I was more aware of the moments and reveled in them. I consider this progress.

During the meditation my thoughts run in bursts. It's late at night/early in the morning so the day has faded and I find it wandering into more esoteric thoughts about the nature of my relationships to others. Songs are stuck in my head again, inbetween the thoughts.

But this time if I force a buzz in my head and transition into focusing on my breath I can slowly ameliorate and blankly exist for short stints. During these times I can feel a deep relaxation set in. I prefer that to a state of thinking.

The conversation I plan to have brought me peace while being thought about. I have conquered, perhaps, the anxiety of that thought.

Closing thoughts: If I meditate at an extreme hour it helps to leave behind the day. I would rather not start this late because it will be disruptive to my upcoming day. Despite some major stresses I can find some relaxation in the practice. This is good. I am also improving both during practice and when going through my day.

Day 2 - 100 Day Meditation Challenge

Day 2

Length: 10 minutes (timed)
Start: 5:45pm
Experience:

My thoughts are torrential. It's late in the day so I've felt the full brunt of a working day, some bad sleep mixed in, and it wrecks my focus. I find myself constantly trying to refocus on my breath to try to get away but it doesn't work. I also made the stupid decision to play a game online before I started, which made me more irritated because I lost.

I recognize the drifting into the past, remember that I am supposed to be of the present, then realign myself with the breath again. Music is playing and occasional parts seed my conscious with lyrics.

I worry about a conversation I'll be having later in the week about possibly moving out with some friends. I don't dread the conversation but I think about it and realize it is a 'future state' that I need not concern myself with at the moment.

Closing thoughts: After work is not wise, but if I oversleep or am outside of my home it will be my only option. I'll need to cultivate a state of mindfulness that is not in competition with a long day at work.

Day 1 - 100 Day Meditation Challenge

Happy new year!

As part of my self-improvement for 2013 I decided to try meditating, and what better way to do so then to challenge myself to a 100 day stretch with some strangers over the internet. I’m joined up with some other meditators via Google Groups 100 Day Meditation Challenge.

I’ve had a few false start meditation plans before that generally resulted in twice a week attempts for a week or two in a row but it always falls off. I think that with this regiment and taking it slow I can really finally escape the rut.

Without further ado:

Day 1

Length: 10 minutes (timed)
Start: 8:50am
Experience:

I wake up and before I’m really completely together I grab a pillow and place it in front of a window in my girlfriend’s apartment. I’d prefer to meditate here because it’s quieter but I don’t live here so I want to make the most of a nice start. My mind is turbulent. Small sounds distract me. I try to remember the things I learned from reading about Vipassana meditation in Mindfulness in Plain English.

I hear my girlfriend moving inside and wonder if she’ll come out, how I’ll handle it if she wants to talk, and recognize fleetingly that I should be trying to understand why I’m preparing for a thing that hasn’t happened. I think about writing this, and wonder if anyone will be interested, then try to forget it again. I don’t remember having this much of an issue when attempting meditation in the past, but now I’m wondering if I was just ignoring the stream of thoughts that I’m tapped into now.

It’s never ending, thoughts of selfishness, pride, curiosity, worry, it’s all connected in this web. I return repeatedly to the feeling of my breath coming in and going out of my nose. It feels like a crescent on my left nostril, and helps me picture a moon. That keeps me occupied and is one of the few moments throughout the experience that I’m not busy concerning myself with things I don’t need to be thinking about.

Closing thoughts: The morning is a good time to aim for because it gives me ‘make up time’ if I miss it. I’m not really as peaceful as I thought. At least I can see it all and become more aware of it.